Akatsuki Unleashed
by AMTNaruto
Summary: Straight from the mind of Aqua-Lee and myself, respectively, comes a whole new look on the real life of the Akatsuki! You'll be shocked, horrified, and dead from all the laughter! XD
1. Akatsuki Shorts

**Akastuki Short #1:**

Deidara: Hey Itachi!

Itachi: What is it ?

Deidara: I have fan girls now!

Itachi: Sasori does not count as a-

Deidara: Look they even have a website! *holds up laptop for Itachi to see*

Itachi: ........ I'M BLIND!!! *screams and runs out*

Deidara: what's the--? *looks at the site* 0.o OMFG! *passes out*

*site had pics of deidei with other Akatsuki members*

Aqua-Lee: Poor Deidei, he hasn't been the same since, and now you know the truth behind Itachi's loss of eyesight ;D

**Akastuki Short Take #2!!!!**

Itachi: *pours cereal in a bowl*

Kisame: Don't hog it all!

Itachi: Shut up ! Its guppy flavored any how!

Kisame: T.T" I'm a Shark not a fish!

Itachi: Whoops too late! =D *finishes cereal and walks out*

Kisame: *has a look of horror on his face* *grabs box* Don't worry my friends I shall avenge you! *thinks* 'Fish are Friends, not food'

**Akatsuki Short Take 3.... If You Dare o.-**

*all Akatsuki are sitting in a circle playing truth or dare*

Pain: Ok, Zetzu truth or dare?

Zetzu: .....Dare.....no truth! no, no dare!

Pain: Dare it is! Ok I dare you to . . . .Not eat a human for the next 30 days!

Zetzu: 0.o.......

Pain: *smirks*

~A week later~

Pain: Itachi, I've lost the whereabouts of the Nine-Tailed Fox brat! Where is he?

Itachi: *points at Zetzu*

Zetzu: What! *shrugs* He was only half human . *walks out picking teeth with a toothpick*

**Akatsuki Short Take-- OOOH! LOOK A BANANA! (#4)**

Kisame: *looks into the bathroom mirror* *puts hair gel in hair* *walks out of bathroom*

Itachi: Dude you smell like mints?

Kisame: ......Thank....you?

Itachi: No, you seriously- you know what, never mind... *walks in bathroom and shuts door*

Kisame: O...kay..... *sits down at kitchen table* *drinks milk*

Konan: You smell like mint?

Kisame: Itachi said the same exact thing!

Konan: *shrugs and walks out*

Tobi: *runs in room* TOBI IS A HUNGRY BOY!!!

Kisame: Hi Tobi

Tobi: Why does Kisame have toothpaste in his hair?

Kisame: O.o Wtf?!

Aqua-Lee: From that day on, Kisame learned to read the labels! =D

**dun dun dun Akatski NUMBA 5!!!!**

Kisame: MOVIE NIGHT!!!!!!!

Deidara: I get to pick the movie this time yeah!

Kisame: b-but I wanna pick it!!!

Deidara: No!!

Sasori: . I'm picking it! . *walks over and puts in a random movie*

Deidara: T.T"""

Kisame:T.T""""

Sasori: What!? I'm sick of watching "Jaws" and "Legally Blonde"!!!

Kisame & Deidara: WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO WATCH PINOCCHIO!!! *both leave*

Sasori: Heh! *switches movie to batman* I got the whole place to myself.

**Akatsuki Short #6 - Now in Color! =D **

Hidan: I DON'T F***ING CUSS THAT MUCH!!! WTF, ARE YOU ALL ON CRACK?!!?!?

Kakuzu: Shut up, I have to stop by the collection office, this guys head is worth $6 mil.

Hidan: *mutters* I swear to Jashin I will kill you one of these days

Kakuzu: Please we're both immortal, like thats ever going to happen...

Hidan: Jashin will curse you one of these days......

Kakuzu: Mhm sure *rolls eyes*

Hidan: *mutters to self*

Kakuzu: *walks off side of cliff and lands in a pile of Ino clones*

Hidan: I F***ING TOLD YOU!! XD *walks away*


	2. Akatsuki: Picnic Manic

Akatsuki at a picnic

Pain: Please pass the egg salad..

Hidan: Yes, Lord Jashin blessed it by putting his foot in it! =)

Hidan: *passes egg salad to Deidara to give to Pain*

Deidara: *gives to Pain* Here ya go.... heh

Pain: What kinda egg salad is this...?

*egg salad explodes*

Deidara: Egg salad is a blast! ^_^

Konan: Real mature....

Pain: Yeah Deidara, that never gets old... -_- *wipes off face*

Kisame: Can someone pass the caviar..

All: O.o

Kisame: What?

Itachi: I thought you were against eating fish...

Kisame: Your point?

Itachi: Fine... *says under breath* bitch... ¬_¬

Kisame: *eats caviar*

Tobi: Hey everybody!

All: Hi Tobi....

Tobi: *sits down* Oooh! Kisame, can I have some of those fish eggs?

Kisame: This is caviar, dumbass.... *whispers to Deidara* We let him in why? XD

Kakuzu: You realize caviar is unborn fish eggs, right....?

Kisame: 0.O *spits it out* YOU FAGGOTS!!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!!!

All: *laughing*

Kisame: Bitches... I'm going home... *leaves*

All: .....

Itachi: so....

Sasori: Hmm... is there any puppet salad?

Deidara: Heh... sure!

Everyone else: O.o *leaves*

(End)


	3. Akatsuki: Surfing Disaster

**Akatsuki...Surfing disaster!**

Konan: what a peaceful day! *stretches arms and looks up at the sky*

Deidara: yea it is un!

Tobi: senpai!! senpai!!! look! *is building a sandcastle*

Deidara: *has evil smirk on face* ART IS A BLAST! *kicks his sandcastle*

Tobi: NOOOOO TOBI'S SAND CASTLE!!! *goes to re-build it*

Konan: Try to be a LITTLE nice Deidara *glares at him then walks off and sits under an unbrella next to pain*

Deidara: Fine un T.T Imma go surf then

Hidan: Ha! you don't have the skills like i do!

Deidara: T.T" Let me guess Jashin gives surfing skills also un?

Hidan: Hell yeah! *grabs surfboard* Wanna place a bet?

Deidara: Your on hmm!

Kakuzu: There's no way im turning this down! Im joining!

Kisame: me too!

Hidan: Like Jashin will let me lose!

Deidara: Sasori, you want to join?

Sasori: I'm a puppet, jackass! *walks away with scowl on face* [Its not fair i wanna join....]

Hidan: Ok, whoever wins gets to uh.....be a Jashinist!

Deidara: T.T" How about whoever wins gets out of choires for a whole month!

Kisame: Even better!

Hidan: Hey konan wanna be the judge?

Konan: Do I have to ?

Hidan: Well yeah, Pain isn't going to do it, and well Tobi.... *looks at tobi now chasing a crab*

Konan: Good point.... *gets up and holds up a small flag* Ready....set....go!

*20 minutes later*

Deidara: Ugh! My head *opens eyes* wtf happend?

Kisame: You hit a rock....

Deidara: So you won ?

Kisame: Uh...no

Deidara: You control water wth?

Kisame: o.0 I never thought about that....

Hidan: Yeah he actually fell off his board!!

Kisame: T.T shut up!

Kakuzu: So Konan I won right?

Konan: No

Kakuzu: Dang T.T

Deidara: So who won?

Konan: Tobi...

Deidara, kisame,hidan, and kakuzu: WTF?

Tobi: YAY! Tobi loves to surf!!! *runs over with surf board over his head*

Zetzu: Good job tobi... [ That fool can actually surf?!]

*the next day*

Tobi: Yay! No chores!!

Deidara: Come to think about it *is doing laundry* He was the only one who ever did the chores

Hidan: o.0 Fuck!

Kakuzu: T.T No complaining

Kisame: Can we have a rematch... I forgot about cheating... T.T

(end)


	4. Akatsuki: Mall Spree

**Akatsuki Mall Spree**

Deidara: YAY! My favorite day of the week! Shopping Day! ^_^

Itachi: I hate shopping day... we always stand out in the mall

Kisame: Maybe because of our clothes...

Pain: This would be a perfect time to look for new clothing for the Akatsuki

Deidara: FINALLY!!!! I've been filling up the Akatsuki suggestion box about that for years! We should get ones with an "explosion" of colors!

Kisame: The hell we should! We're getting shirts that say 'Fish are friends, not food!'

Itachi: Hells to the mangekyo nah!! . We're getting wizard robes

All: WTF?!

Konan: I think this organization can use more flowers!

Deidara: I'm cool with that! ^_^

Pain: I'm the leader so what I say goes... We're getting ones with puppies!

All: FUCK NO!!!! .

Kisame: Besides you're not the leader, Tobi is! Oh Shit!! Whoops! .

Tobi: You faggot! You just spoiled it for everyone! Ugh! I wasn't even suppose to be in this skit! &*#%!#$ .

Konan: ...Well, with that said, we all have to agree on something...

*2 hours later*

Itachi: This was a great choice

Deidara: I agree... it lacks a little frolic-ness, but whatever

Kisame: Works for me too!

*They're all wearing the same Akatsuki robes as before just with a small green stripe at the bottom*

Pain: We really need to recruit a designer ninja... -_-

(end)


	5. Akatsuki: Gay Dispute

**Akatsuki: Gay Dispute**

Deidara: Why does everyone think the akatsuki is gay?!

Kisame: You tell us!

Deidara: Well, what does that mean?

Hidan: For Jashin sakes, you have Hello Kitty dolls in your room!

Deidara: You bitch! Your not suppose to go in my room!

Sasori: Everyone's been in there! You're the only one with a pink room...

Konan: Not even my room is pink....

Kakuzu: I sold your Hello kitty dolls for money yesterday by the way...

Deidara: You Jackasses have no respect for this flamboyant akatsuki member's possessions!!! I don't know why I even joined this organization!!!

Kisame: Let's be honest..... not many fruity ninja like you would have been accepted by other ninja! I mean, how many gay ninja do u know? Unless you count that time Tobi gave everyone dildos.

Tobi: That was a gift, you bastard..... that was a gift for the organization!!!

Itachi: What about that time Hidan kissed that male cow!!

Hidan: FOR THE LAST TIME...... I NEEDED COW BLOOD.... FOR...UH...JASHIN'S RITUAL!!!!

Itachi: Why didnt you choose a female cow then!

Hidan: Uh...Lord Jashin required it...

Pain: Everyone Shut Up! You're all gay!

Kakuzu: I'm not gay... However, you give me enough money, I might consider it...

Kisame: Well, I'm a 100% straight! I would rather do girls anytime!

Itachi: Too bad they don't feel the same about you..

All: *laugh*

Sasori: Your a fish, dude... no one wants to do a fish..

Deidara: I do...

All: ....

Sasori: Fair enough...

Kisame: For the last time, IM NOT A FISH!!!

Pain: Guys, guys, I think we can all come to a conclusion here... If anyone is gay, its Zetsu!

Deidara: True

Itachi: Yup

Sasori: I mean he's made up of two different personalities, guys btw, and they fight like a couple

Itachi: Lets not forget they eat ppl together too.... seems pretty kinky to me...

Deidara: I bet everyone's wondering this.... do you think they have 1 penis or 2?

All: .....

Itachi: You're on your own with that one..

Zetsu: Yeah, hi, uh, I overheard u douchebags talking... and I'd like to point out that Im not the one thats always at these "sausage fest" meetings

Konan: Still here you know!

Zetsu: And FYI.... I have 2 *disappears*

Kisame: Wow... maybe we are gay

Hidan: Lord Jashin will not like this...

Deidara: Man, I cant believe all those statements and pictures of me doing guys on the internet are true...

Konan: Ok, I'm gonna go... Pain! *leaves*

Pain: Excuse me, fellas! Me and Konan have "business" to attend to! Peace out, queers!

All: *quiet*

Deidara: Um... Should I rent Brokeback Mountain now?

(End)


	6. Akatsuki: All Dressed Up

**Akatsuki: All dressed up**

Deidara: Do I really have to wear this! -_-

Konan: yes you do its an important day! *fixes his tie, that matches his monkey suit* *turns to help Pain with spiking his hair*

Pain: Just act normal, it isnt a big deal *fixes the bow tie on his suit*

Tobi: It itchy!!! *worms around in his suit*

Konan: its just a couple of hours! [How am I going to live through this, they are like small children!]

Hidan: Do I have to actually wear the shirt?

Pain: and the jacket *hands him a jacket*

Hidan: *mumbles* I swear to Jashin somebody will die today.....

Pain: Eh, just make sure its not someone who is apart of the wedding *shrugs and walks out*

Deidara: I can't believe Frank is actually getting married....

Kakuzu: well he is a good friend of ours, I wish him a happy, rich life.

Hidan: Maybe Jashin will let me find the right person one day....

Deidara: Yea....

Konan: Don't you all go sappy on me!

Kakuzu: I would only marry my money....or someone who is rich .....

Hidan: they would have to worship Jashin....

Deidara: they would need to appreciate the beauty of art hmm....

Itachi: they would have to be full of hatred

Kisame: they would have to be friends with fish...

Konan: Oh my god! Will you guys shut up! God, your like little kids! F***!!!

All: O.o

Kisame: *whispers* Makes since... she's always ordering us around like a mother...

Konan: WHAT WAS THAT?!?

Pain: Oh, look at the time, Lets go!

*they all leave, and are now sitting in their seats*

TObi: *keeps fidgeting* *whispers to deidara* Hey! how long is this going to take? Tobi needs to go pee!

Deidara: *not listening to tobi* Those statues are not art, how dare they display such vile things *grabs clay*

Kakuzu: I wonder how much this wedding is costing....

Itachi: *looks almost in tears* they really deserve each other....

Kisame: o.0 he usually only acts like this when hes watching soap operas....

Hidan: *sighs* Jashin needs a sacrifice..... *looks around at the people*

Konan: [I wonder if this dress makes me look fat....Why was I picked to be a bridesmade? Though Pain does look cute as the best man.....]

Pain: [wow frank has finally grown up....]

priest: You may now kiss the bride

Frank: *stays still*

Bride: *doesn't move*

Priest: [remind me why am I doing this again? They are both rocks.....]

Pain: *kicks Frank toward the bride* *whistles*

Priest: .....ok I now pronounce you mr. and Mrs... Limestone? Yeas that works.. [....this is so awkward....]

Crowd: *claps and some cry*

*At the reception*

Hidan: *walks in covered in blood* Jashin is pleased....

Deidara: I thought Pain said not to kill anyone?

Hidan: Well that one lady looked at me funny!

Kakuzu: maybe its because you brought your scythe with u..

Hidan: hmph! *goes to get something to eat*

Tobi: FOOD!!

Deidara: didnt you have to go to the restroom?

Tobi: I dont need to now! Tobi is a empty boy! ^_^ * walks off*

Pain: So Frank , hows it feel to be a married man?

Frank: ......

Pain: I see.. you lucky dog....

Frank: [Do they realize they are talking to rocks?]

Bride: [Remind me why you hung out them again?]

*end*


	7. Akatsuki: Game Night

**Akatsuki: Game Night**

Kakuzu: Ah yes, game night! My favorite night of the week where you ladies lose all your money!

Kisame: No! We're not playing poker! I'm not wasting my money!

Tobi: Same... I'm the secret benefactor of the organization, so if you guys want a place to live, you'd best play something else...

Deidara: Poker is NOT a blast.. -_-

Pain: What about scrabble?

*minutes later*

Sasori: For the last time Deidara.. "Hmm" is not a word!

Deidara: T.T *grunts*

Itachi: Hidan, what's that word?

Hidan: Hello?! Jashinator?! Its so popular! Everyone I know uses it...

Itachi: Oh really now...? Let me look it up in the dictionary...How's it spelled again...

Hidan: Bite me, that's how! . *destroys dictionary* Moving On!

Kisame: Why don't we just play Ultimate Ninja 4: Naruto Shippuden?

Sasori: Good idea!

Itachi: Yes!

Deidara: I here I'm great in that game! ^_^

*Few more minutes later*

Deidara: Art is a flash of beauty huh? I like it! ^_^

Sasori: Why am I so slow...? -_-

Itachi: Genjutsu: Bubbles?!? WTF is up with that?! My finger genjutsu has no bubbles whatsoever! Viz should just leave the jutsu naming to the anime... -_-

Kisame: Hmm... I don't remember getting kicked in the face by that stupid looking guy... what''s the guy's name again?

Pain: Can we do something else?

Sasori: Your just angry cause your not playable in this game! XP

Kisame: Burn!

Pain: Whatever... well, I gotta say Naruto has grown up... in stature and vocal maturity, it's a shame I'll have to kill him later in the series..

All: PAIN, SHUT UP!!!!! .

*after awhile*

Kisame: I'm out... -_-

Deidara: Can we play for clay...? -_-

Tobi: Well, looks like we'll all be looking for new apartments... -_-

Kakuzu: Maybe you guys will! Heheheh! *swimming in pile of money*


	8. Akatsuki: Grocery Shopping

**Akatsuki: Grocery Shopping**

Pain: Sasori, Deidara, Zetsu, its your turn to go get the groceries!

Konan: Here's the list! *gives them a list 10 feet long*

Deidara: You have to be kidding me! -_-

Konan: Nope not at all! Have fun! ^_^

Sasori: .... *takes list and looks it over* Ok lets go! *walks out*

*at the store*

Sasori: You think we can find "One metric ton of oil" here?

Deidara: Wtf?! *takes the list* .....She's insane! Well lets just get the food part then..

Sasori: What do you think shes going to do if we don't get it all?

Deidara: Look this is a normal item! Kunai x200" we can probably find that– OOF!!

Little Girl: Mommy!!! *hugs deidara*

Deidara: WTF?!

Little Girl: Ooooh! Mommy said a no-no! Now Daddy is gonna hit her again!

Deidara: I'm a man! And I'm not your mommy!

Little Girl: *looks at him* *starts to cry* B-but then where's mommy?

Sasori: *laughs*

Deidara: We have to help her Sasori...

Sasori: Fine T.T

Deidara: Don't worry, we're here to help hmm!

Zetsu: What about the shopping?

Deidara and Sasori: *off helping little girl*

Zetsu: Dammit! Not again!

*2 hours later*

Sasori: We've looked everywhere!

Deidara: Yeah!

Little Girl: Mommy!!!!! *hugs a random lady that looks like Deidara*

Mom: Oh thank heaven your ok!

Little Girl: Yep! Girly man and creepy puppet guy helped!

Mom: Thank you two! *leaves*

Sasori: Well, I feel all warm inside.... being a puppet? Is that good or bad?

Deidara: It's a nice feeling, lets go!

*back at the base*

Pain: Where are the groceries?

Sasori and Deidara: O.o uh...

Zetsu: *walks in* Dammit! You guys made me do all the shopping again!!! *is carrying random weapons*

Pain: You two wanna explain yourselves...

Deidara and Sasori: We had to help a little girl find her mommy!

Pain: That is the lamest excuse ever.... and you two know the rules: We're here, we're queer and we don't help little girls in grocery stores find their parent/guardian! Now go back and get the rest of the stuff!

*back at the store*

Deidara: A Hamper of cheese noodles? WTF?!

Sasori: A trinket of Orange soda?

Deidara: What the hell kinda measurements are these!? Where does he get these from?!

Sasori: Well, from what I've seen from Family Guy...

Jackeé Harry: Mary!

Deidara: Hahaha hmm! That is still funny! You wait right here Obese, funny chick, we'll be right back to kill you later! XD

Sasori: We are never coming shopping again...

(End)


	9. Akatsuki: Pool Party

**Akatsuki: Pool Party**

Deidara: *lounging in a beach chair* Its too hot un!

Tobi: Then come swimming partner!!

Deidara: That's NOT going to happen not with you that is….

Tobi: Fine, Tobi don't need you! *pokes bare feet in the water*

Kisame: *swims near Tobi's foot* dun dun…..dun dun…dun dun..dun dun!

Tobi: SHARK!!! *runs and hides behind Deidara*

Deidara: ITS HOT ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU CLINGING TO ME!!! *shoves him away*

Konan: Lighten up we are on vacation *looks at pain* This was a great idea! *closes eyes and enjoys the moment.

Pain: You can say that again, for an evil organization we need relaxation too.

Sasori: I don't like this…..I can't feel heat, being a puppet, but I'm not a swimmer…..

Deidara: *sits up* you can't swim hmm!?

Sasori: No, I can I just….don't like too….

Deidara: Heheh sure …. Whatever you say

Sasori: *gets up and sits near the edge of the pool staring into the water* ….

Deidara: I need another drink…. *gets up and walks by Sasori* whoops! *pushes him into the pool*

Sasori: AHHHHH!!! *waves arms around wildly* Help, help I can't swim!!!!

Konan: ……

Pain: …..

Tobi: heehee nice one partner!

Sasori: Help!!!!!

Deidara: *bursts out laughing* Stand up its only 4 foot deep!!!

Sasori: ? *stands up* o.0 …..I knew that…..

(end)


	10. Akatsuki: Out to Dinner

**Akatsuki: Dinner Night**

Pain: Excuse me, waiter! May I have some salt?

Konan: Salt? I thought we agreed you'd lay off that stuff?

Pain: I thought we agreed you'd Shut the hell up! . Besides, what are you, my mom?!... Because that would be weird... considering all that we've done in my room...

Kisame: *spits out food* Jesus Fish... Is this really proper dinner conversation?!

Itachi: Speaking of fish... I think I'll order sushi!

Kisame: You wouldn't!! =(

Itachi: Oh waiter!

Kisame: DON'T!!!!

Itachi: I'll take the sushi please!

Kisame: You pig-nosed bastard!! .

Deidara: May I have some exploding salad?

Waiter: Sorry, we only have eruptive salad

Deidara: Awww man, rip off! . *folds arms*

Sasori: I would like some–

Kakuzu: I'll have the most expensive thing here!

Sasori: Excuse me, its pretty bitchy of you to interrupt my order for yours...

Kakuzu: Oh sorry, I thought you were still dead...

Sasori: Why would I be dead if I'm here now?!

Kakuzu: Because Tobi's here too... look *points*

Tobi: I'll take Ice cream cuz I've been a good boy today! ^_^

Sasori: ....You bitches replaced me for him?! -_-

Hidan: Waiter!!!! I want Jashin salad, some jashin strips, a jashin cow with a little bit of hot sauce on it, some jashin egg salad and... a diet coke please!

Waiter: Uh... Sorry, we don't have diet coke...

Hidan: Well, my dinner's ruined then... -_- *flips plate over*

Waiter: However, I've been getting complaints from your neighbor table...

Hidan: WHAT?! *whips out scythe* WHO DARES TRY AND CALM DOWN HIDAN... THE JASHIN ANGEL!!!!

Waiter: Um, that one right there!

Shikamaru: *waves to him* I killed you once before... *smirks*

Hidan: *grunts and sits on chair quietly* .

Pain: I'm never coming to dinner with you guys again!

Konan: Like your any better!

Kisame: Don't you dare eat that fish! .

Itachi: *steps on fish* =D

Deidara: Where can I find explosive salad!

Sasori: I don't like you, Tobi...

Tobi: Hi Pinocchio!

Waiter: I'm sorry, but you guys will have to leave! You've caused nothing but loud noise!

Pain: And who's gonna kick us out!

Waiter(Masashi): Ahem!

Pain: O.o

Hidan: C'mon we can take him!

Pain: No... Retreat... -_-

All: What?!

Pain: Hey, if you guys wanna get written or killed off stay here for all I care... more screen time for me *leaves*

All: O.o

Deidara: I'll pay for gas! O.o

Kisame: I got the check! O.o

Tobi: Aren't you leaving Sasori?

Sasori: I'm dead already apparently.... -_-

Tobi: Ok then, seeya! *leaves with the rest*

Sasori: .....

Sasori: Where's my drink, dammit!!!! .

(End)


	11. Lil' Akatsuki: Speling Test

Lil' Akatsuki: Speling Test O.o

Teacher: Ok, choldren, I've graided your tests..

Deidara: I just know I did gud, I even speled the "I" in my name with a little heart! ^_^

Teacher: You know, Deidara, as a teacher I'm not suppose to judge you or your sexual orientation, but your making it really hard...

Deidara: -_-"

Teacher: But you did do well on the test!

Kisame: What abaut me?

Kakuzu: Dude, all you did was draw fish on your paper...

Kisame: Well, you droo the freeking presidents! .

Sasori: What's rong with that?

Kisame: He droo them on doller bills!

Hidan: Hey teach'!! What did I get?

Teacher: You got a B! Good Job!

Hidan: A B?! How the fuk cud Jashin let me down! He even blessed me by puting the correct speling on my arm! -_-

Konan: How'd you do Pain?

Pain: I missed won... -_-

Konan: Well, thats not bad! What did you miss?

Sasori: He misspelled "Pain"!

All: *laughing hysterically* XD

Pain: HOW ABOUT I SPELL MY F-U-T IN YOUR ASS!!!! .

Sasori: It's spelled F-O-O-T, dumbass! XD

Pain: -_-"

Kisame: Well, did anyone get 100%?

Teacher: Um, yes.... Tobi did!

All: WTF!??!

Tobi: Ooooh a fly! Tobi likes flies! *smacks self trying to smack fly*

All: You've got to be kidding me.... -_-

(end)


	12. Akatsuki: First Flight

Akatsuki's First Flight

Deidara: OMFG hmm! Finally we get on the plane!

Kisame: God I hate flying on planes! There's always that 1 person who annoys you to death!

Itachi: *Whispers* Tell me about it... And by the way, your just scared to be 700 ft from water!

Kisame: It's 713 ft, smart ass! That's very, very high!

Sasori: So where's everyone's seat?

Deidara: I got 6B

Itachi: 4B

Kisame: 1B

Kakuzu: 3B

Pain and Konan: 5B! Heh heh!

All: Ewww....

Kakuzu: What'd you get Hidan?

Hidan: J5...

Kisame: Well, you did say you liked their music right! XD

Hidan: Ooooh, aren't you a regular Dave Chapelle! =(

Kid: Mommy! Blue Fish Man keeps putting his arm on MY arm rest!

Kisame: Do not, you stupid!

Woman: Omg I love your bag! Such an explosion of colors!

Deidara: *Gasps* Omg! Thank you!! O.o

Annoying Guy: Hey! My name's Dan! Is this your first flight? I bet it is! I can usually tell! I've flown like 20 times! It's nice to fly! The food isn't very great, but the movies are awesome! Completely awesome! Full out! Full on! I have a 70 year old grandmother! =D

Hidan: *Whispers under breath* Shut up.... shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.....

Pain: Yeah... I, uh, I have to go to the bathroom... *gets up*

*5 minutes later*

Konan: Ahem! I have to go use the facilities as well... *gets up*

Itachi: Make sure you 2 put the door on "Occupied" this time!

Stewardess: I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're going to have to go to coach!

Kisame: Hidan?! WTF did you do?!

Hidan: *holding bloody scythe* Let's just say.... Jashin is pleased.... *keeps walking*

Kisame: Told ya.... Always that one person... *reads a newspaper*

Pilot: We are now arriving at our destination!

*Plane lands and they get off*

Deidara: Th flag here is peculiar hmm... I particularly like the stars, but did they have to go with Red, White and Blue? Why not Pink, Purple and Peach?

Kakuzu: And look at these! Why is the money here green? And why do they have pictures of Beethoven-looking men on them?

Kisame: And why is everyone staring at us? *Yells at people* WHAT!! YOU NEVER SEEN A BLUE SHARK MAN BEFORE?! *turns back* Poor people act like they've seen a regular citizen.... Strange place, this "America".... .

*End*


	13. AkatsukiCon

**Akatsuki Comic Con**

Sasori: I hate these things! Lotta' nerdy people come and try to dress up as us only to fail in their attempt...

Itachi: Well, they try to dress up as US! I've yet to see anyone try to dress up as you, Zetsu and fish boy!

Kisame: You know, Itachi, I don't say this often, but.... I'm going to kill you...

Deidara: Ah yes, Comic Cons! A place where I feel like my art! Beautiful and an Explosion of popularity! =D

Tobi: Partner? Partner? Do you need some help waking up from that dream?

Deidara: Why you son of a b–

Pain: Hey! Watch it! There are young kids here who expect to see their favorite Akatsuki members being on their best behavior!

Kisame: Oh look, first question! Yes, little girl, what's your question?

Girl: Why do you guys suck so bad?

All: ......

Pain: Ok, next question!

Man: Yes, Pain, as the leader of the organization, what are your plans for the financial issues based upon your segregated Base of Operations?

Itachi: What the hell is with you people?! What kinda questions are these?

Boy: Yeah I got a question... Shut up, Itachi! =D

Itachi: Look, you impudent fool, I'm a mass murderer of great horror, going to the lengths of even killing my own sacred clan.... this is a game you don't wanna play with me, boy!

Konan: Oh here's a kid who seems to be a fan of us! What's your question?

Pee-Boy: Where's the bathroom?

Itachi: MOTHERF***ER!!!!! .

Audience: *gasp*

Pain: Itachi!

Crying Girl: Mommy! Did you hear what he called you?!

Itachi: You people are all idiots! This is an Akatsuki Convention! So why come here if your not fans?!

Tobi: *Wags finger* Ooooh! Itachi is PMSing....

Old Man: You young whipper-snappers have no sense of fashion! Black and Red cloaks?! Blech! Orange is the way to go! Even got myself some new orange suspenders! =D

Itachi: ORANGE?!?!? YOU DON'T MEAN....

*Naruto makes a guest appearance*

Audience: *Scream and Clap*

Naruto: I'm here everyone, believe it!

Itachi: THIS IS HORSE-SH**!!!

Aqua Lee: And that's why there are NO such things as Akatsuki Cons! =D


	14. Akatsuki go to a Carnival

Akatsuki at a Carnival

Tobi: Partner! Partner! Let's go see the animals! Tobi is a animal-loving boy! *runs to the petting pen*

Pain: Deidara, go with him before he gets lost!

Deidara: Why am I always stuck with him?!

Konan: He's YOUR partner....

Deidara: No, Joseph is my p– uh... COMING TOBI!!! *runs off*

Itachi: I'm going to go get some cotton candy

Kakuzu: Hey! Hey kisame! Heh heh! I got a great idea! *whispers the idea in his ear*

Kisame: Oh nice! *runs off*

Pain: Hey! Where are you 2 going?!

Kakuzu: Uh... we're gonna go play...uh... Whack-A-Mole! Hehehehe! *runs off*

Konan: You know, Pain, it's a beautiful day today! Perhaps we should take a ride on the ferris-wheel...

Pain: *Ordering food, ignoring Konan* Yeah, I'll have 6 hot dogs, some fries and a Pepsi! And uh, let's get a salad for the lady.... *whispers to guy behind counter* She's suppose to be watching her figure, but apparently I'm the one who has to... .

Konan: ...Ugh...

*Elsewhere*

Kakuzu: Ok dude, go!

Kisame: *goes in Dunk Tank*

Dunk-Tank Man: Ok, bitch, let's see if you can dunk this Bad-Ass!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!

Little Girl: Oh, this quiff is going down! *throws ball and dunks him*

Kisame: *swims around dunk tank like a shark*

Dunk Tank Man: OMFG!!! HELP!!! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE!!!!

Wife of Dunk Man: I knew it! You ARE gay! *runs off crying*

Kisame: *swims in water and tickles mans feet*

Dunk Tank Man: *Jumps out*

Kisame: *gets out* That was awesome!

Kakuzu: Tickling...? Seriously?! We're Akatsuki, for god's sakes! What happened to that big ass sword of yours?

Kisame: Eh... Pain took it away before we got here.... He said it would be like letting me have Shark Skin at a carnival would be like having sex with Ino.... scary and unpleasant....

Deidara: These animals are pathetic.... My clay can put all these ones to shame...

Tobi: Ooooh, partner! Look! A donkey!

Deidara: Hmph! I can make a better one! Ha! *does a hand sign and creates sculpture of a donkey* My ass.... is an explosion! *detonates his donkey*

Tobi: Ain't that the truth! Remember when we gave you chocolate laxative and told you it was brownies... Fish Man says the downstairs toilet still doesn't work... .

*Hours later*

Pain: Is everyone ready to go?

Konan: Where's Deidara?

Deidara: You guys want an ass, you got it!!! *creates a giant clay ass*

All: *runs to the car*

Pain: Tobi! What did I tell you about bringing up that April Fool's joke around Deidara!

*End*


	15. Akatsuki at a Bar

**Akatsuki at a Bar**

Sasori: It's good we can get a night off for some "brooskies"

Deidara: *chugs beer*Ahhhhhh.... Thank. God.

Sasori: Kakuzu, how about you pay for the next round?

Kakuzu: How about you kiss my threaded ass, Pinocchio!

Sasori: O.O

Hidan: Don't take it personally, Kakuzu's a mean drunk.... .

Kakuzu: You know who's mean! Your mother! She won't give it up to me! You know what I'm saying! Ahahaha! *spins around on chair and falls over, asleep*

Hidan: .... Anyways, is it a good idea to let Tobi drink? Is he even of age?

Deidara: Hidan, he's over 100 years old! And besides I'm only 19 and I'm drinking...

Sasori: Drinking under age is apparently ok in this series...

Hidan: You see! This is what's wrong with the world! Kids believe drinking under age is ok because the media encourages it! I'm surprised we haven't been canceled yet!

Tobi: *runs by naked* Tobi is a drunken school girl!

All: ....

Deidara: Hidan's right! We should be more family-oriented!

Sasori: Well, you can count me out... I ams who I ams! I was born Sasori of the Red Sand and I'm gonna die Sasori of the Red Sand!

Deidara: Ok, two things wrong with that sentence..... First of all, you were born Harold Sasoriama... and secondly... you're already dead.... .

Sasori: Not anymore apparently....

Hidan: Ugh! You see! This is exactly what I'm talking about it! People are drinking under age without punishment and death don't mean jack squat! This series is screwed up and we need to clean up our act!

Deidara: Well, I'm with ya! Cheers! *taps beer bottles*

Kakuzu: *wakes up, drunk* Y-you realize that means you can't curse or talk about Jashin anymore, right Hidan?

Hidan: ...

Hidan: *smashes beer bottle on Kakuzu's head, knocking him out* F*** that S***, you c***sucker! I ain't changing my Jashin life-style for these bastard children! They can kiss Jashin's ass! *finishes beer and storms out*

Deidara: ...

Sasori: ....

Kakuzu: *KOed*

Tobi: *runs by again drunk and naked* Giggity, giggity, giggity goo!!

*End*


	16. Akatsuki at the Movies

**Akatsuki at the Movies**

Pain: Ok guys, remember, while we're in the theater, you must be quiet! Ben on your best behaviors, go it?

Deidara: Blah, blah, blah so what are we gonna see hmm?

Kakuzu: All about the Benjamins!

Kisame: Kakuzu, for the last time, it's not in theaters! It was made like 5 years ago! And besides I found Ice Cube and Mike Epps to be very pretentious and shallowly pedantic....

Hidan: Whatever! Let's see Jashin's List!

Kisame: No such thing!

Deidara: Well, Kisame, you're being a real ass fish today! Why don't you tell us what you wanna see, hmm?

Kisame: I'm glad you asked, I wanna see--

Kakuzu: If you say Finding Nemo 2: Paradise Rescue, I swear to god, I'm gonna pop you!

Kisame: ...It's guaranteed to have "2 Fins Up"... ¬_¬

Pain: Shut up! Look, I'm paying so I choose! *goes up to counter* 5 tickets for "Confessions of a Teenage Ninja" please. Thank you! =D

*15 Min later*

Pain: Ok, we got our snack and drinks. Now does anyone have to go to the bathroom?

Kisame, Hidan and Kakuzu: Nope

Deidara: *points to self* This one does! I feel like I'm gonna explode... no pun intended... *runs to bathroom*

Pain: Ok, it's starting, now remember, be quiet!

*minutes later*

Hidan: *eats popcorn loudly*

Pain: *whispers* Hidan, chew softer!

Hidan: HA HA!! I KNEW THAT OLD MAN WAS GONNA HIT THAT KID WITH HIS SCOOTER!! THO I AM A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED THAT THE OLD GEEZER DIDN'T HAVE THE TESTICULAR GLANDS TO KILL THE LIL' BASTARD!

Kisame: OMG! *covers eyes* He just ate a fish!!! .

Hidan: HA! For all we know that could've been your mother, eh fish boy? XD

Pain: Guys, shut up! And Kakuzu, put that camera away before we get in trouble!

Kakuzu: Please! I know a lotta suckers who are willing to pay for a boot-legged romantic/comedy! *continues taping*

Usher: Excuse me! There have been complaints about the noise back here.

Hidan: Oh really now? *stands up* Hey! Are we too noisy for you people! You wanna quiet us down! Well come here and try it! Don't be whining to the ushers! *smacks guys in front in the back of the head* Hey! You one of the people who said we were too loud? Huh?! Come on, big man, speak up!

Pain: I am so sorry for all of this, Usher...

Usher: Sir, Im gonna have to confiscate that camera!

Kakuzu: Like hell you will! I paid good money for this so I can get my money! Ain't no pansy ass like you is gonna get in my way of making money! *continues filming*

*Big explosion from bathroom outside happens*

Deidara: *pokes head through the movie doors* Uhhh...... Explosion on Aisle 2....... *runs off*

Pain: *puts hand on head* Ugh.... Never again T.T

*End*


	17. Akatsuki: Anthology of Interest 1

**Akatsuki: Anthology of Interest #1**

Pain: Alright, who wants to ask the "What If" machine something?

Itachi: The "What If" machine?!

Kisame: Wow, so we're just gonna like totally rip-off "Futurama"

Pain: It's alright

Itachi: No, boss, it's not... It's called copyright infringement...

Pain: No, the Professor said it was ok since th show is on hiatus or whatever, right Professor?

Professor: My w-whaa, oh! Oh yes, yes! Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in the ANGRY dome *walks off grunting*

Deidara: I wish I had a grandpa like him! ^_^ Oh! Can I ask it that?

Pain: Fine... provided that you ask it in a more profound and sophisticated way...

Deidara: *walks to machine* Um.... What if I had a Grandpa like the Professor..... hmm?

Machine: _Error. Sensor recognized unfamiliar word. Please ask again._

Kisame: "Hmm" is not gonna work, Deidara

Deidara: What?! Then what the hell kinda machine is this then! . *walks off*

Kisame: My turn! What if I was more sexy?

Machine: _Error. Question received was too hilarious to be analyzed. This is a machine, not a miracle worker._

Pain and Itachi: *rofl* XD

Kisame: T.T""

Itachi: Gosh, that thing must've read what I was thinking like a book! XD

Kisame: That's it! *breaks out Shark Skin* I'M SICK OF ALL THE JOKES! DIE COMPUTER!!! *Hits machine*

*pause*

Machine: _Error. Kisame sucks._ *laughs robotically*

Pain and Itachi: *Die of laughter*

Kisame: ARGHHHH! *storms off*

Itachi: *wipes tears of laughter from eyes* Well, with that said, let's take off the "Kisame-Hater" chip we asked the Professor to make! Thanks, Professor!

Professor: Huzzah! My dream of creating shark hating micro-chips has finally come to fruition! Time to celebrate! *falls asleep*

Pain: Yeah, whatever, we still need to ask it something...

Itachi: Hmmm? I got it! What if the Shippuden Dub doesn't air on TV soon or at all?

Machine: _Question Accepted._ *Shows theme a world full of War, Death, Pestilence and Famine. A True world of Apocalypse. Seas are dried and the sun has died out. Chemical gasses fill the skies as ebony chunks of destruction rain down from above. Needless to say, it's a world where even the devil would say "Damn! O.o"*

Itachi: O.O

Pain: O.O

Both: Holy S***

*End*


	18. Akastuki: Falling Angel

**Akatsuki: Falling Angel**

Kakuzu: Hey Guys! I got the perfect prank to pull on Konan! XD You know how she hates oil right? Because of the origami traumatic experience she had as a kid? Well, I set up a big bucket full of oil above the door so when she comes in–

Zetsu: You realize that if Pain finds out about this, he'll kill you...

Deidara: WTF?! Zetsu, you're back from vacation?!

Zetsu: I wasn't on vacation.... right? **Affirmative.**

Kakuzu: Well where've you been the last couple chapters?

Deidara: Come on, nobody likes Zesty here! There's a reason the manga, anime and our story don't feature him much... he's unappealing, green, psycho and well.... he's a freaking plant..... How are you even able to walk and talk?

Zetsu: Deidara, you can go **shave our penis off and give it to me. **WTF!?! O.o **What? That's wasn't what you were gonna say?** No, you faggot! I was gonna say he can go f*** himself!! **Oh, well then where's the action for us in that?** SHUT UP!!

Kakuzu: Guys! Way off topic! Oh, here comes Konan! Hee hee!

Konan: *walks down stairs* Guys! Why is the toilet seat still up?! *trips and falls down stairs*

All: O.O

Kakuzu: OMFG! Konan, are you alright?

Konan: NO, I'M NOT F***IN ALRIGHT!!! I FELL DOWN THE F***IN STAIRS, HOW DO YOU THINK I AM?! #&*#$% .

Deidara: Konan, I know you're in pain and all.... no sexual pun intended . ..... but all that cursing is very un-lady like ¬_¬

Konan: OH! MY BAD! LET ME ENROLL IN PROFESSOR DEIDARA'S FRUITCUP 101!!!! .

Deidara: .... Flattery will get you nowhere, miss.... ¬_¬

Kakuzu: We gotta get her to the hospital! O.o

Zetsu: I'll get the car! **You better not play your Milli Vanilli tape.** Oh, you know what, you are just the worst type of person...

Kakuzu: Deidara, help me pick her up!

Deidara: NO! Everytime I get near her I get paper cuts! T.T

Pain: *Astral Projects in and sees Konan on the floor* Uh.... Guys... you mind telling me what the hell is going on here?

Kakuzu: Well, you see, we were gonna dump a bucket of oil on top of Konan as a prank, but–

Deidara: But then miss slutty clumsy here tripped down the stairs before we could -_-

Pain: Remind me to kill you later... So is she dying?

Kakuzu: No .

Pain: Well, you know the rules, no hospital runs unless someone's dying or until my morphine prescription comes in... and I've still got 2 more weeks so no go!

Konan: PAIN!

Pain: HEY!! Do you pay the bills? Huh?! Do you know what a "pain" in the ass it is to budget the money our cheapo benefactor! Tobi, gives us?! No, you do not! End of discussion! *Astral projection shimmers out*

Deidara: Well since we're not going anywhere I'll just draw.... oh damn! Out of paper.... *thinks* Hmm? *goes to Konan and rips off paper from her chest*

Konan: What the hell do you think your doing?!

Deidara: Drawing a pheasant.... duh! T.T God, this paper has such slutty texture.... .

*End*


	19. Akatsuki: Speed Racers

**Akatsuki: Speed Racers**

Zetsu: This is truly a day to cherish! The Annual Akatsuki Speed Race of Evil! You're a crappy announcer... Yeah, up yours! Anyways, are all the teams ready?

Deidara: So I'm partnered with 'Same? T.T Eh, I suppose it's not the worst thing in the world...

Kisame: ...Never call me 'Same again.... and consider yourself lucky! At least your not partnered with Konan... she's a terrible back-seat driver!

Konan: Kakuzu, did you make sure this is what they call a "car?"

Kakuzu: Yes... T.T

Tobi: Hey Itachi! Can I drive?

Itachi: Sure.... and hey why don't you take sacred Uchiha necklace that empowers you with the might of gods...

Tobi: Silly Uchiha... Trix are for kids! ^_^

Itachi: ....This is exactly why you're not driving....

Hidan: Your ass is going down!

Kakuzu: Over Sasori's dead body!

Sasori: HEY! .

Konan: Pain... we're not on the same team... please go easy on me

Pain: I'll try, my angel.... But like I always say, competitiveness is beyond even my control... so watch out... .

Zetsu: Racers, on your mark! **Get Set!** Get Set! **I already said that....** We're going by my mark, not yours. **Bitch...** Slut... **Go!!** What part of "on my mark" don't you understand? *ahem* GO!

Kisame: *Driving* Who do we strike down first? =D

Deidara: Hmm?

Tobi: *In front of Dei, mooning him* Art is an explosion... from the ass! ^_^

Deidara: O.O THE BASTARD MUST DIE!!!!!!! . *throws bombs at Tobi*

*bombs blow up in front of Deidara and Kisame, destroying their kart*

Kisame: Brilliant.... T.T *holding only the steering wheel*

Itachi: Nice, Tobi.... You exploited Deidara's obvious weakness and used his anger against him leading to his downfall.... you're smarter than you look–

Tobi: Let's put one of the bombs in the exhaust pipe for speed boosts! ^_^

Itachi: Ahhhh..... spoke too soon....

Hidan: Pain, take out Kakuzu's tires!

Pain: Uh.... *Thinks: I promised Konan! I promised Konan! .* AGH!! TO HELL WITH PROMISES! I'M IN IT TO WIN IT BABY! *summons giant centipede on Kakuzu's car, knocking him and Konan off a cliff* OH YEAH!!!! .

Konan: PAIN!!!!!

Pain: love you, honey.... . *drives off*

Konan: *falling* This wouldn't have happened if you paid attention to the road....

Kakuzu: You know, maybe you should worry less about my driving T.T and more about the fact Pain knock your ass off a cliff... Maybe's he saying something.... like you're a bitch!! .

Hidan: Yes! Kakuzu's out! Now it's just us and Itachi and Tobi!

Tobi: Itachi! We're losing! Use your super uchiha powers to speed up!

Itachi: Quiet! You know nothing of my work! Watch and.... try to learn T.T... the power of my... MANGEKYO SHARINGAN!!!!!

Hidan: Hey! WTF is going on?!

Itachi: In the Tsukuyomi, the Badass Realm.... I control everything! Over the next 72 hours, I will continue to make you do doughnuts in your car....

Pain: SON OF A BITCH!!!!! T.T

Tobi: Yay! You're the greatest Uchiha ever! Besides me of course! ^_^

Itachi: Uh... .

Tobi: Tobi is a secret Uchiha boy from the elder days! ^_^

Itachi: I choose to pretend your just being stupid.... .

Zetsu: And we have our winners!

*Itachi bows gallantly as Tobi dances*

Zetsu: TEAM HAWK!!

Itachi: WTF?!? O.O

Sasuke: Not exactly how I expected to defeat you, but.... whatever, I'm not complaining....

Itachi: They're not even fully Akatsuki members! How can they participate in the Annual Akatsuki Race of Evil?!

Zetsu: How would you know? You're dead before they even joined... Needless to say, this story is WAY off the Naruto continuity....

Tobi: That's why is called "Akatsuki Unleashed!" We're so bad we even break the continuity rules! ^_^ right, Sasori?

Sasori: F*** you.... T.T

*End*


	20. Akatsuki's Family Day

**Akatsuki's Family Day**

Deidara: Alright Funcakes, it's Family Day and you all know what that means! ^_^

Kisame: I swear you are getting more gay as this series goes on....

Deidara: Oh, Big Brother 'Same, don't be cruel!

Kisame: First of all, I'm not your brother and second..... Pretty sure I told you last chapter never to call me 'Same again....

Deidara: ^_^

Kisame: And FYI, my actual little brother died when we were kids and playing "Dodgeshark" in the backyard

All: Gasp! O.o

Kisame: Not my fault he couldn't dodge.... Besides, if he wasn't able to dodge attacks he wouldn't have lived long in the ninja world anyways, so I saved him the trouble of getting killed by someone who's not family... .

Itachi: You're a monster!

Kisame: It was an accident! Besides, at least I didn't kill all our friends and family to make him suffer for all these years only for him to become a black gourd of hatred and darkness!

Itachi: .....You had to go there..... ¬_¬

Hidan: Hey, I saw a pic of Itachi's mom in the Akatsuki Files the other day and Damn! I know they say the Uchiha clan were good-looking but, his mom was bangin'! XD

Itachi: Watch it, Hidan!!!

Hidan: W-what are you gonna do? Look at me with those eyes? I'd hate to be in a world where I'll be bangin' your mom for the next 72 hours! AHAHAHA XD

Itachi: .....

Deidara: Well, my mother was fabulous! Most of my looks came from her! ^_^

Kakuzu: Really...? I never would've guessed....

Deidara: Mhm! And my father was also a great artist! Kea and Matsuro Jussaku.... **(Nod to my upcoming Deidara Origin Story coming soon)** It's a shame that.... wait... sorry, no spoilers! ^_^

Konan: Well, my mother was a–

Deidara: Um, Konan, I'm sorry, I don't mean to interrupt, but I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear about your promiscuous mother and her devilish ways.....

Konan: Why you son of a– PAIN!

Pain: Deidara.... stop talking about Konan's witch of a mother, please.....

Konan: -_-""

Kakuzu: Wait, so who here actually has family that's still alive?

Deidara: Um...

Kisame: Uh...

Itachi: ....

Hidan: *to himself* Hee hee!

Deidara: Well, thanks a lot Kakuzu! You just ruined what could've been a beautiful family day with your gruesome and unnecessary question! Now I have to return this TV Family Trivia Board game featuring some of the best families ever on TV!!! T.T *leaves*

*pause*

Kisame: Hmmm.... so, who here is a result of inbreeding?


	21. Akatsuki at the Zoo

**Akatsuki at the Zoo**

Tobi: Partner wake up!!! *jumps up and down at the end of Deidara's bed*

Deidara: Damn alarm clock, since when did it be come so fucking annoying *reaches out to turn off alarm clock*

Tobi: Partner! Tobi is not an alarm clock! Now wakey wakey lemon shaky!!!! *keeps jumping*

Deidara: *sits up suddenly* WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!?

Tobi: We're going to the zoo! *runs out avoiding exploding birds*

*the door is slammed shut*

Deidara: T.T not again, I hate these trips yeah....I remember last time....

**_*Flashback*_**

Pain: Now be on your best behavior.....we don't want it to end like the restaurant outing.....

Deidara: But the egg salad was exquisite hmm~

Hidan: Lets just get this over with T.T And Deidara, don't ever say that word again....

Deidara: I like it, its fabulous~

Kakuzu: I hope sasuke hurries up and kills you T.T

Deidara: Ò_Ó Not that Uchiha bastard!!! I don't die by his hands! It's impossible!

Kakuzu: Correction, he doesn't kill you, you commit suicide....

Tobi: Partner is not a good boy! Partner is an emo boy!

Pain: *shakes head* *walks up to the ticket booth* Tickets please....

Ticket seller: *takes the money and hands pain the tickets* You guys look familiar, have i seen you before....?

Hidan: *turns to zetzu* He thinks a talking flytrap is familiar? Crack head.....

Pain: I think you have us mistaken for uh....somebody else *grabs Konan's arm and walks through the entrance*

Tobi: PANDAS!!!! TOBI IS A HAPPY UCHIHA!

Everybody: o.0?

Tobi: I mean....LOOK A PANDA! *runs off to the panda exhibit

Deidara: hm.....this is not art hmm! These posters are a mockery!!! *throws a C1 spider at it and walks away as it explodes*

Konan: Aww aren't the lions adorable Pain?

Pain: Lions are supposed to be ruthless, not adorable.

Konan: ......Your adorable AND ruthless.

Pain: .....

Kakuzu: I wonder how much money their skin is worth.....*watches the lions with narrowed eyes*

Hidan: Screw that! *leans over the rail and watches them wide eyed* I wonder if Jashin would like one as a sacrifice!

Konan: *giggles and leans head on pains shoulder* Isn't that cute~ They're like little children~

Pain: So...children nowadays have a lust for blood, are S-ranked criminals, and are aiming to take over the world....?

Konan: heehee~

Pain: I like this.....the world really is changing! It makes me so proud .

Tobi: TOBI GOT'S A NEW FRIEND!!!!

Deidara: o.0 TOBI WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE CAGE?!

Zetzu: **Hey that panda looks tasty**.....I have to agree with you there.....**Hey maybe it will eat him....? **That's not very nice...

Caretaker: HEY NO FEEDING THE ANIMALS! *glares at tobi in the panda cage*

Tobi: But Tobi doesn't have any foo- AHHHH TOBI IS NOT FOOD!!! *runs around from the panda*

**_*flashback ends*_**

Deidara: This is not going to be a good day..... T.T

*End*


	22. Akatsuki's Spooky Cookey Halloween!

**Happy Halloween, Akatsuki!**

Pain: Ok so there's a Halloween contest coming up and you are all invited!

Kisame: Of course were invited, We LIVE here!

Pain: Keep up the sass and you wont... Now the festivities are:-

Deidara: Say something lame like bobbing for apples and I swear I quit.... T.T

Pain: *crosses something off of list* *coughs* Ahem, the festivities are of course best costume, a buffet st-

Kisame: Ò_Ó NO FISH THIS TIME!

Pain: ..... *scratches something off of list* The buffet stand, pumpkin carving....and when that's over trick-or-treating....

Tobi: Tobi has prior engagements and cant go trick-or-treating with you....TOBI IS A BUSY BOY!

Deidara: Thank god he isn't goin... ¬_¬

Pain: You have one week to prepare your costumes!

*One week later*

Deidara: I can't believe Hidan carved his pumpkin with his scythe T.T That's NOT art...

Hidan: F*** off, I won the carving contest, and I didn't carve a cloud...

Deidara: It was an EXPLOSION! Not a cloud! .

Konan: I thought the angel I carved was cute...right honey?

Pain: Er...yes cute...but the point was to make it "scary"

Konan: *glares at pain*

Pain: O.o See! Now you got it! *backs away*

Sasori: Why the hell am I sitting on your arm Kisame?

Kisame: I'm a haunted ventriloquist! Your dead so it's only fitting that your dressed as ghost.... *looks at Sasori, even though he's really looking through him* Eh.... that'll do I guess.... Kinda over-the-top....

Sasori: How lame can you get!!! I bet nobody but you knows what a ventriloquist is!!! T.T

Kisame: Shut up, your just a puppet... A sad ghostly puppet! Unless you care to be puppet ribbons! =D

Sasori: I'm a ghost! You can't slice– Ugh.... Nevermind T.T ....

Deidara: Anyone know where Kakuzu and Zetsu are?

Hidan: I don't give a f*&% about Zetsu, but Kakuzu said he's not coming because with his creepy appearance and personality, Halloween is just another regular day for him except today people assume he's dressed up.... .

Deidara: Oh....

*Out Trick-or-Treating*

Hidan: *runs up to a door and knocks* Blah! I want to suck your blood!

Candy-Giver: How cute~! You look like your really covered in blood! *places candy in Hidan's bag*

Deidara: *nudges itachi* I thought he "really was" covered in blood? .

Itachi: *nods*

Candy-Giver: And you! You look so adorable as a mummy! *gives a handful of candy to Deidara*

Deidara: It is but an art hmm!

Candy-Giver: And this lovely couple here devil and an angel aww~

Pain: Say I'm cute and you die T.T

Konan: *giggles* we are a cute couple right?

Person: *gives them candy* But wait....what are you two supposed to be? *looks at Kisame and Itachi*

Itachi: He's a ventriloquist and I'm a serial killer....we look just like anyone else...

Candy-Giver: ....Right *hands them one piece of candy and goes back inside*

Itachi: T/.\T

*Two long hours of Kisame explaining what a ventriloquist is later*

Pain: Tobi should have been back already...

Konan: Oh sweetie don't worry and come have some candy.

Deidara: We did get a lot! ^_^

Sasori: T.T I want some... The lady didn't give me any candy.....

Kisame: Maybe because she couldn't see you? Dude, your dead! Get over it!

Sasori: T.T

Itachi: I don't like candy...

Deidara: Then don't mind if I do! *takes his stash of candy*

Tobi: *walks in with several trash bags of candy* Tobi is a candy boy!

Deidara: O.O What did you dress up as!?

Tobi: TOBI IS A CUTE KITTEN!!! =^_^=

Deidara: .....Ladies like cuteness....hmm....

Kisame: They liked mine too, so intellectual =D

Sasori: They didn't even know what you were....

Kisame: Shut it, Pinocchio Corpse! .

Tobi: *runs off with candy*

Pain: ....We're all going as kittens next year....

*End*


	23. Akatsuki: Road to Stardom Part 1

**Akatsuki: Road to Stardom (Part 1)**

Kisame: Guys, guys! O.o Tyler Perry is holding casting calls for his new movie! *jumps up and down in excitement* .

Pain: *Reading vogue ninja magazine* I'd expect this kinda behavior from Deidara... but you just put yourself above Deidara on the gay meter.... You're the new king.... make that Queen...

Deidara: Like hell he is! Ò_Ó *flicks wrist gayly* See!

Pain: Sorry.... Kisame still takes the crown...

Kisame: Will you guys shut up?! Casting is in LA starting next week!

Itachi: Who's Tyler Perry?

Pain: Yeah, I don't even know who that is?

Kisame: HELLO?! He's only the BEST writer ever! He's also the guy that plays that fat, mad black woman Deidara likes!

Itachi: Oh, is that the guy who was a cop and disguised himself as a fat old lady who starred opposite Nia Long?

Kisame: No, that was Martin Lawrence in Big Momma's House.... -_- COME ON! MADEA!

Pain and Itachi: OH!!! She's hilarious!

Kisame: See! Come on, let's go! *grabs packed bags* =D

Itachi: I thougth you said casting was next week?

Kisame: *drops bags* Ruin all my fun.... .

*1 WEEK LATER*

Kisame: *In LA* AHHH! LA and it's graceful wonders! A place to get discovered and bask in the sensual radiance of life! ^_^

Deidara: Shut up.... -_- *Shoves Kisame while walking by*

Kisame: What the hell is your problem?

Pain: He's still angry about the whole "Gay Queen" thing... something you just proved you received the title fair and square just now...

Kisame: ¬_¬ whatever.... Hey! There's the set! Let's Go! *arrives* Tyler, my man! How are ya?

Tyler Perry: Hey! I'm fine! ....Who are you?

Kisame: Oh, um.... Heh! Sorry, my name's Kisame Hoshigaki and I'm here to audition for your movie, "Tyler Perry's White Chocolate!"

Tyler: I see... and who might you be auditioning for?

Kisame: What the hell, I'll go for the white main character! Hee hee!

Itachi: Is it me or does Kisame refuse to believe he's blue?! And what the hell is the movie about?

Pain: Uh, apparently, it's a about a white guy who falls in love with a young black woman who appears to live in a less than reputable area with her godmother, who's Madea... The script says that the white guy and the black girl are suppose to be between 16-20...

Itachi: Who's playing the girl?

Mo'Nique: HEY YO TYLER! One of them lil' bastards broke into my dressing room and tore dat place up! I didn't even get to fix my hair! And you know what they say, a sista' is not happy when her hair is nappy, you better ax somebody, I ain't playin wit you! *walks off angry*

Tyler: *sighs*

Kisame: So when do I audition?

Tyler: Well, I guess you can– wait! You... *points in Itachi's direction*

Itachi: M-me? O.o

Kisame: NO, NO, NO, NO, GOD NO! DAMMIT TO HELL!!!! .

Tyler: No.... him! *points at Deidara*

Deidara: *still angry* What?

Tyler: He's perfect! Deidara, is it? How would you like to be in my new movie!

Kisame: O.O

Deidara: Wow..... *looks at readers* I ain't near a cash register, but I'm prett sure I'm hearing: CHA-CHING!!!!! $$$$$$$ ;D

*To be Continued*


	24. Akatsuki: Road to Stardom Part 2

**Akatsuki: Road to Stardom (Part 2)**

Tyler: Yes, you're perfect for th role!

Deidara: Hmm... I've always though of myself as the main character's flamboyant best friend that gets them into shenanigans, but is still the lovable quirky guy with the life-loving exterior personality and having a FABULOUS fashion sense! ^_^

Itachi: Yeah, that's what we've always guessed...

Tyler: Let's start shooting! Come with me, I'll show you your trailer!

Deidara: *Walks by Kisame* You took my role... So now, I'm taking yours! Au Revoir, BIOTCH!!! ^_^ *skips off*

Kisame: GAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Pain: *Chuckles*

Kisame: SOMETHING FUNNY?!!?

Pain: No, no, just... just a funny, ironic plot twist... Hehehe!

Kisame: WELL NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!! MARK MY SCALES, I WILL TAKE DEIDARA OUT FASTER THAN THE TIME MY UNCLE JEBIDIAH TOOK OUT GRANDMA PENELOPE WHEN SHE BROUGHT SEA FOOD MEDLEY TO LAST YEAR'S THANKSGIVING!

Pain and Itachi: Seriously W....T....F...

*Later*

Tyler: Alright.... ACTION!!

Mo'Nique: Look here, Whip Cream, you don't wanna get involved wit a girl like me

Deidara: But, Sugah Honey, you mah chocolate-covered wifey with a whole lotta junk in da trunk hmm!

Tyler: CUT! Deidara.... remember what we talked about? There's no need to add the "hmm" at the end of every sentence.... Let's go to the next scene!

Kisame: Heh heh! ={D *Switches Deidara's script*

Tyler: Alright, ACTION!

Deidara: Yo, baby gurl, walk dat thang over here so I can tap dat 500 pound ass full of strawberry Jell-O... wait, WTF?!

Tyler: CUT! Deidara, read your lines as written!

Deidara: I AM! .

Kisame: *puts a voice box in Deidara's shirt* =)

Tyler: Let's do it again!

Deidara: Um... Yo, baby gurl, walk dat thang over here – **So I can store my clay within the wrinkles of your elbow skin!**

Mo'Nique: W-what, no he didn't! Whatch'you say, you bony ass Japanese Jamie Kennedy?!

Deidara: O.O Wait, that wasn't me, I swear! **Damn, can a brother get a large fry to match that huge shake!**

Mo'Nique: Oh Das it, motherf***er! *takes earrings off* I'm about to squish yo ass into faggish clay pancakes!

Deidara: Please, you have to believe me! I didn't say any of that! O.o **But I'm sure as hell thinking it loudly!**

Tyler: Wait, what's that on your shirt? I-s that a voice box?

Voice Box: Hey Tyler, did I tell you your movies are poor portrayals of the African American Strife!

Tyler: *tracks sound to a closet and opens door*

Kisame: Hey, I got $5 saying Mo'Nique ain't seen her feet in years! She don't even know she wearing 2 different pairs of shoes– *sees Tyler and everyone else glaring at him* Uh.... Hellurr....

*Later at the Hospital*

Itachi: You know you had this coming right?

Pain: Mo'Nique flattened your ass in 2 seconds, that's gotta be a record!

Deidara: *In a body cast* BUT WHY'D SHE HIT ME?!?! WHAT DID I DO?!?! T.T

Kisame: Heh heh! Payback's a bitch huh! Word of advice, never play marco polo with a shark! BIOTCH! XD

Itachi: I, uh.... I'm not seeing the moral in that "word of advice" at all.... In what way did this situation pertain or even emulate marco polo? And why wasn't your "word of advice" actually one word....

Kisame: Shut up! ¬_¬ Anyways, I'm off to shoot my role as Andy! Ciao!

Police: Excuse me, is there a Kisame Hoshigaki here?! We have a warrant for his arrest uner sexual harassment charges regarding a Miss Mo'Nique and her apparent "Huge" booty... Anyways, he's supposed to be playing the role of Andy?

Kisame: Uh.... You're looking for the fruitccake in the body cast.... I'm just take tops as Queen of the Gay Meter . *runs out and steals a car* I'M LEAVING HOLLYWOOD!!!! *peels out*

Itachi: What the hell does he think he's doing? He can't even drive....

Pain: Well, look at it this way, if he crashes and blows up, we'll be having sushi tonight!

Itachi: Ò_Ó PAIN, THAT'S SICK!

Pain: I know huh.... *Evil laugh* Let's go home...

Itachi: Eh... *leaves*

*pause*

Deidara: Uh, guys..... My body's broken here! Can't move! Guys! GUYS!!!! I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!!!!!! T.T

*End*


	25. Akatsuki: Truth or Dare

By request: DarkLillyOfTheNight96

**Akatsuki: Truth or Dare**

Pain: As if this wasn't coming sooner or later in this series.... ok, Kisame *sighs* Truth or dare...? -_-

Kisame: Gee, Pain, don't knock me out with all your enthusiasm.... ¬_¬

Pain: Just choose!

Kisame: Now, now, Pain, this is not a race...*scratches head* Hmm.... I wanna say– No! Oooh, what about– No, that's too dangerous! Um....

Itachi: *puts kisame in the Nightmare Realm* Hidan.... is it really wise if you play this game?

Hidan: F%$* Yeah! Why wouldn't it be!

Itachi: Because last time we played this you was in part I of the Naruto series as a joke-initiation to kill Kakuzu's former partner shown as a silhouette in episode 135... and well, you ACTUALLY killed him...

Hidan: WTF did you want me to do?! You dared me! Besides now Kakuzu has a more sexy and heart-warming partner that he likes! =D

Kakuzu: Yep, Hidan just read me like a book right there.... *rolls eyes* -_-

Deidara: *whispers to Itachi* Maybe we can get him to something hilarious this time, hmm!

Itachi: I got the perfect one! When it comes to my turn I'll ask him!

Zetsu: Shut up, gentlemen! **We go first to ask something! **Pain, Truth **or dare?**

Pain: Dare....

Zetsu: We dare you to kiss Konan! =D **That's so stupid... they kiss all the time! And more...**

Konan: SHUT UP! WE DO NOT!!

Zetsu: Sure, and **Tobi must actually be the Madara Uchiha from the Elder days **coming to unleash his Moon's Eye Plan upon the world as vengeance for **the Uchiha Clan and his exile**... *rolls eyes*

Tobi: How many times are you gys gonna ruin my whole secret identity! I'm strating to think you guys really think I'm stupid!

Itachi: Yeah, just go run around with scissors, Tobi we'll see you later...

Tobi: T.T

Zetsu: **Well, Pain**.... do the dare

Pain: *moves in slowly to kiss Konan*

Zetsu: See, now that wasn't so bad, was it?

Pain: .

Konan: .

Pain: *grabs konan and runs into room, shaking the room*

Kakuzu: . Oh god, get a room you two– Oh wait nevermind... .

Hidan: Well, since Pain and Konan are going to hell for adultery, and Zetsu had his turn.... I guess it's Itachi's turn! Alright, BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!

Deidara and Itachi: *giggles*

Itachi: I dare you to..... kiss Deidara!!!!! =D XD

Deidara: WTF?!? THAT WASN'T THE PLAN!!!!!

Hidan: You don't think I'll do it, huh! Well, watch this!

_*We apologize for the interruption; Please excuse the censored details that went on.....*_

Hidan: *wipes mouth* Can't phase me, Itachi! Heh! *walks out proud*

Zetsu: HAHAHA! **Sucks for you Deidara.**.... How was it! XD

Deidara: Um, it was... uh, yucky.... .

Itachi: Alright, who's next?

Pain: *comes out of room with Konan, hair messed up and robes on backwards* We, uh... we gotta a little problem with the, uh.... shower....

All: ....

Deidara: Yeah, maybe I can be of some assistance, but I'll need some help.... Perhaps I'll get Hidan.... .

Kakuzu: Oh he's probably busy, let me give you a hand

Deidara: NO! *coughs* I mean, that's ok.... Hidan won't mind.... OH HIDAN!!! ^_^ *goes to Hidan's room*

Pain: *in bathroom* O-oh no! OH NO! OHHH! GUYS!! OH NO! WE HAVE A LEAK PROBLEM ....OHHH.... OH NO! OH, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ANTS!!!!

Itachi: *looks at Zetsu and Kakuzu* We are NEVER playing this game again.... *gets up to help*

*END*


	26. The Akatsuki Show

**The Akatsuki Show**

Deidara: HELLOOOOOOOOO DARLINGS! Welcome back to the Akatsuki show! We have very special guests today! Right 'Same!

Kisame: *Smiles big* Your lucky we're on air or I'd shark skin your ass for calling me 'Same again!

Deidara: Before we bring out our guests, let's head over to Itachi with the weather report! Itachi! ^_^

Itachi: .... Today's weather is gonna be crappy.... *back to deidara*

Deidara: Well, is that.... is that it? What else? *back to Itachi*

Itachi: Your ugly... *back to deidara*

Tobi: *whispers off stage* Itachi! Read te Teleprompter or I'll kill your brother....

Itachi: *sighs* fine.... Today's weather will be cloudy skies yet full of scorching heat... and No, I'm not gonna use Mangekyo Sharingan to make my prediction come true as I did last time with that earthquake hitting that village full of one-legged samurai....

Kisame: Yeah.... that was not a great year for them...

Deidara: Ok, let's bring out our guests! You know em, you love em and hate em, they hold inside them some of the most vicious entities forbearing tremendous amounts of power and murderous intentions..... please welcome the Beastie Boys! ^_^

Tobi: *whispers* They're on tour.... but we got the next best thing! The Beastie Boys.... and Two Girls... . *calls them in*

*Gaara, Yugito, Yagura, Roshi, Han, Utakata, Fu, Killer Bee and Naruto appear*

Deidara: Um, is this really wise to have them on here.... _

Kisame: It'll be fine! So, How are you guys?

Roshi: Well, after you mercilessly beat me with your huge ass shark sword and extracted the Four-Tailed Giant Money from me..... I turned out just fine.... ¬_¬

Kisame: .

Deidara: So Fu, I understand you're a between genders now hmm?

Fu: Excuse me...?

Deidara: Well, um... I read Masashi Sensei said he hasn't chosen whether or not to make you a boy or girl... .

Fu: Do I look or even sound like a boy to you?

Kisame: No, she does not ^_^ So Fu..... you, uh... you seeing anyone?

Deidara: Kisame!

Kisame: What!?

Yagura: You are all inferiors! You shall bow down to my unruly greatness! From this day forward, this show shall be known as.... The Akatsuki Show.... in the Bloody Mist!

Fu: ....Now he should be the one in question here! He actually LOOKS like a girl...

Deidara: Um, Han, Utakata? Would you guys like to say something?

Han: *blows steam in Deidara's face*

Deidara: _

Utakata: *takes out a bong*

Deidara: UTAKATA, WTF ARE YOU DOING?! YOU CAN'T BRING THAT ON TV?!

Utakata: What? It's an ancient Japanese Bubble blower! ^_^ *blows bubbles everywhere* Hee hee!

Kisame: *pops bubbles* Oh, I like this guy! ^_^

Naruto: Ok, now that all the lower Jinchuriki have spoken its time for Naruto Uzumaki to shine!

Deidara: Naruto, I'll give you a bowl of ramen if you shut up... -_-

Naruto: DEAL!!!!!! O.O

Deidara: *gives him a bowl of ramen* So, uh Gaara.... heh heh! No hard feelings right?

Gaara: .....

Deidara: Heh... ^_^

Gaara: *uses sand give deidara a wedgie*

Kisame: OH!!! Humiliated on your own show! XD

Deidara: T.T

Kisame: Wait, we haven't talked to Yugito or Killer Bee yet! Where'd they go?

Deidara: I don't know, let's get our On-The-Go camera to find them! ^_^

Pain: I'm the f&#$*ing leader, why am I stuck being the camera man off screen.... T.T Ugh! *finds Killer Bee and Yugito in the back room showing very explicit material*

Deidara: OMG! OMG! BLUR THE IMAGE! BLUR IT, BLUR IT!!!! .

Yagura: Wait! I asked that bitch if she had the jungle fever and told me no! That f$#ing whore! .

Kisame: Looks like the 2 Tails and 8 Tails are gonna make a baby 10 Tails! ^_^

Deidara: Shut up!

Yagura: This is an outrage! *unleashes 3 Tailed Giant Turtle*

Fu: ...They call me a boy... is that it? WELL YOU KNOW WHAT!!! *turns into 7 Tailed Horned Beetle* LET'S SEE WHAT THEY SAY NOW!!!!!!

Yagura: IM TAKING THAT BITCH OUT! *breaks Utakata's bubble blower*

Utakata: Ò_Ó *GASP!* YOU BASTARD! *Transforms into 6 Tailed Giant Slug*

Katsuyu: Hi honey! ^_^

Utakata: FOR THE LAST TIME I DON'T KNOW YOU!!!! *accidently farts our acid slime on Han's armor*

Han: *steams comes out of ears in anger.... pun intended!* AGHHHHH!!!!!! *Turns into whatever the hell Masashi was trying to go for for this Tailed Beast..... uh, let's say..... the 5 Tailed Dolphin Horse!*

Gaara: Wow.... so these guys are dead, but still have their beasts.... I'm alive and ain't got shit....

Naruto: *still eating ramen and notices the Jinchuriki's going wild* Hmm? Did I miss something?

Deidara: T.T Please everyone stop! PLEASE!!! Calm down!

Kisame: Leave em alone they're having fun! ^_^

Roshi: OH I'LL SHOW YOU FUN, SCALES!!!!!!!!!! *turns into 4 Tailed Giant Monkey and flings feces at Kisame's face*

Kisame: -__- Oh it is SOOO on, monkey boy..... *tackles Roshi*

Deidara: T.T

*Yagura, Utakata, Han, Fu and Roshi going wild as the show cuts off for "Technical Difficulties"*

Jerry Springer: Holy S%#$! Pain was right....... Anime is way more real than real life....

*End*


	27. T'was the Night of an Akatsuki Christmas

**Akatsuki Christmas Story**

Twas the Night before Christmas, and every Akatsuki member was as bored as can be.

The base was decorated with a cheapskate's taste, not a stocking was hung. Kakuzu had them pawned.

In hope his wallet will soon be full.

Tobi was bugging Deidara, soon he may be dead.

While visions of his orange face exploding, in the blonde's head.

And Konan in her nightgown, and pain in his; had just settled their fight.

It could have been a long and fearful night.

When out in the den, Hidan heard a yell.

He sprang from his prayers, screaming "What the hell?!."

Away from his ritual, he flew like a bat.

Pulled out his scythe and kicked some random cat.

The sight before him, glistened with blood

He gave a grin to the scene, as he saw a milk dud.

But who could torture the fool in such away

So annoying in his child's play.

With his speech of third person, with his orange mask,

Hidan knew right then, Deidara was the one best for the task.

Quicker than lightning the curses came.

The blonde yelled and hollered and called out unruly names.

Now Jashinist! Now Angel! Now Sharky and Weasel! On Bomber and Idiot!

On dealer and Leader! And Plant guy...

From the tips of their nails to the hem of their cloaks,

S rank criminals! S rank criminals! All full of jokes!

As the night went on, with all the noise

Tobi just played with his new toys

Deidara, green with envy and anger

wanted to give Tobi the "finger"

As to so much naughtiness he had done,

He received no such fun, son....

As the others frolicked with Christmas cheer,

All Hidan wanted was a fridge full of beer

Itachi told the story of Jolly St. Nick

As he breaks into people's houses like d***

He comes down the chimney expecting food

But not with his naughty attitude

Hearing the story, Kisame wanted to catch the fatty

As his curiosity was driving him batty

He set cookies and milk on the table,

But with his hardened appetite, he ignored the fable

He guzzled each crumb and drip

Hoping when santa arrived he wouldn't flip

Regardless he didn't give a damn

So he went to the tv and watched "Kazam"

As Pain asked which play to watch this year

Deidara still angry answered like a queer

"To hell with the play, It's not a good day!

Just shut up all of you because you're all gay!"

Eyes glued to Deidara from his outburst,

Even Hidan knew that he'd be cursed

Konan breaking the silence spoke up

"How bout we see the one with the reindeer-dressed pup!"

Deidara, annoyed by her suggestion

Hoped she'd get indigestion

Pain, with his mission to "get some" in ploy

Played along with Konan's "Christmas joy"

He knew deep down, he wanted to whack her

but he resisted as her nickname during the holidays is "The Nutcracker"

As the Akatsuki's Christmas Night was full of fun

There was still something to be done

As they broke out the booze and started to sing

They heard their telephone ring

They answered a call ready to sing it

When all they heard was, "Have f***y Christmas, believe it!"

They ignored the call and drank tea

As they cheerfully laughed at the loss of Sasori

But despite the troubles and the fright,

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

(Happy Holidays from AMTNaruto, Aqua-Lee and the Akatsuki =D)

* * *

Sasori: Worst Christmas Ever..... T.T


End file.
